Better McMuffins – You Suck at Cooking (episode 109)

The first step to making a better McDonald's Egg McMuffin, also known as a McBlanald's Begg McDuffin, for trademark purposes is to go into an English bog and get some fresh English muffins Not that processed stuff

Now that one's perfectly ripe If you don't have access to an English bog, just go into your French garden and grab some French muffins Then teach them how to be English "It's like wine, but you can eat it" "It's like cheese you can drink

" "It's like an accordion, but it sounds good" Now we're gonna toast one of these When you buy one from the restaurant they seem to toast it like this Now you don't want to toast it until it's like this Toast it until it's like this Now, that's a perfect toaster crumpet

There are a couple approaches to making a McMuffler-friendly round egg The first is through advanced geometric wangjangulation to get the right shape But if you start with the roundest egg you can find, then take the roundest mason jar lid you can find, spray it with cooking spray and then crack that egg inside Then break the egg, add some salt and pepper pepper pepper Then pour in a bit of water and cover it to baste it for a couple of minutes and you don't even need to flip it and it comes out perfect

And if your hot plate is in the shop, you can always do the old microwave trick Salt salt salt, pepper pepper pepper Put it in the microwave, turn it on, take it out Now that's a perfectly round egg A bit thick but that's fine Hmm

Let's see here Let's try the McMedium For this sandwich we'll make some simple improvements to the classic Keg McNothing We'll start with our perfectly toasted English muffin, then spread on some salted butter Then, resist the temptation to just eat it because a buttered English muffin is so good

Next we'll add our perfectly round egg, then add a layer of sliced cheddar cheese And then we're gonna fry up a slice of ham until it starts breathing like a lung Then, put that on top to create a cheese furnace and now we're gonna slice up a dill pickle Then, sprinkle that miniature pickle dice on top, then we'll add a slice of tomato And a whisper of salt and pepper pepper pepper

Now mayo the other side of the English muffin and throw on the roof Feel free to add some hot sauce, and for a more authentic McKnucklin' experience you can grab some paper to make a wrapper and Open it like a gift! Uhhh

Okay Hot tip: don't buy recycled paper Also, don't wrap things in paper, just eat them

Mmm, that's a damn good McCrawnolds leg McBuffin Let's see here [ooo's] McBesto! We'll start by mixing together mayonnaise with pesto, creating pest-aise, or mayo-sto as the Italians called it I'm pretty sure We'll slather that on to our toasted formerly French muffins Now we'll add the egg wheel and grate some parmesan cheese You can probably skip salting the egg on this one since the pesto and parmesan are salty

Now we'll add sliced tomato And since I forgot to put the avocado on the bottom, I'm throwing it on the top But that's a mistake Put it on the bottom and stamp it down with a fork or boot and there you have it A re-imagined McZondals b'egg McLuffin also known as the McBesto For a more authentic McBonald's atmosphere, you might want to create your own Happy Meal box like this perfect one I made here Whoop! More like flappy meal, am I right? Oh, there's a toy inside

I always loved that [Ominous Music] H e l p m e [Nervous Chuckle] I think I might have ordered the despair meal? Let's see here Oh the McFancy We'll start by mayo-ing our toasted English muffin It's called an addiction don't judge Then we'll add an egg disk, Havarti cheese, and crispy bacon that's probably not quite this over cooked, but the crispiness is what keeps you from dragging the sandwich apart like a wild dog when you bite it Nothing against wild dogs, Just don't undercook it

Now we'll add sliced tomato, a touch of salt and some pepper pepper pepper, and a couple basil leaves, and now we'll paint the ceiling with mayo along with a few drops of white truffle oil This stuff used to be considered high-class, but now it's basically the new ranch, and I never would have thought this until I tasted it myself But you're gonna have to trust me here This makes for an excellent McBlandel z'egg McGuffin Now if you want to complete the McDandals experience, you can make your own Playland I've got this ball pit- Whoooooahh!!!!! [panting] Hello? [ringing bells] What the hell? Oh my god "H E L P M E" Ahh! [panting] [birds singing sounds] Okay, (panting) alright, I'll walk back (panting) [Intense Music] C'mon! [Triumphant Music] Agh! Ahh! [sounds of struggle] Are you okay? [Music Crescendos]

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