French Fry Rap – You Suck at Cooking (episode 35)

[Hip Hop beat] French fries let's do this We're gonna wash our hands off and then dry 'em with a towel then we'll dip 'em back in water and then coat 'em with flour [Hip Hop Beat Stops] And then uhjust

rinse that flour off your hands [Hip Hop Beat Resumes] Take a potato make sure it's not a tomato Then confirm it's full of love cause you should never be cooking pohateoes You get to choppin the potatoes are floppin and then they're fallin on the floor so you gotta be moppin 'em up You think you lost it so you go into the closet grab some more potatoes and get ready to hop right back on it The knife’s blading the potatoes degrading, into a hundred little shavings then we gett’em all bathing

Uh huh Don't rush this part you'll want to pull off the starch though I'm a little bit suspicious that this step is a farce because I once gave them a rinse and I just washed 'em really quick and when I cooked 'em up and ate 'em well they didn't taste so harsh so We dry 'em off then we heat up a pot except the pot is all unnecessary because we're not gonna boil 'em in oil gonna spread 'em out on foil and then cook 'em up and eat 'em instead of leave 'em to rot Spray your pan but not with spray tan if you don't put on a layer then it's just as bad as taping ‘cause you don’t want all the fries to be there sticking when you’re trying hard to flip ‘em while you’re cooking just to gett’em into dipping: back up Lay your fries down with some oil to make 'em wetter add some salt from the container in your bag a bit of pepper pepper peper Time to wrassle 'em but don't be over-hasslin you can take your time or you can do it turbo fasslin You can give a spin and use your fingers or fistin and you can whip 'em while your sippin on a gin with a twist and if you're getting super bored with it centrifugal, force it spin around until you're dizzy and you fall on the floor then get up 400 and we're heatin up the onion grab a pan with your left hand open the door and then shove 'em Standby and bide your time until it starts its combustion and then collect a fist of implements to buy for the rustling come on Call your mom or do some oragam (oragami) or clean the freaking counter till the dirt is all the gone let the bunch of minutes pasting when they're in there getting blasted heated sizzled up and fizzlin and put your glove on know why? Cause it's time to take a look at the fries be sure to keep a healthy distance or they'll burn out your eyes Be honest but the color don't be tellin you some lies cause if you under-over cook 'em then you'll make yourself cry I mean you're not probably gonna actually cry but if you cry a little bit just make sure you go hide cause you'll never really be sure which emotions will be rising to the surface so just blame it on an onion and then wipe off your eyes Then get back in to the kitchen like a boss take the pan out of the onion salt it give 'em a toss you wanna mix 'em with precision causing general collision and then let's rustle up ingredients to make a thick and dippable sauce [sauce echoing] Love curry mayo cause it's got a lot of flavor and its buoyant so if you go for a swim then it could save you though I really wouldn't test it cause because mayo is invested in another whole activity called being digested So grab a handful and just give 'em a test then continue on assessing till you've eaten the rest and then caress them with affection and an unhealthy obsession then compress them in your mouth until they fill up your chest because

You suck at cooking cause you're always overlooking all the steps it takes to make a thing taste great and also you never cook You suck at cooking cause you never even go into the kitchen at any time of the day not even to take a look [Hip Hop instrumental continues]

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