Gregg’s Bean Dip – You Suck at Cooking (episode 7)

[ Intro ] ♫ You're good at cooking and you're totally cool! ♫ Today we're making Gregg's bean dip, This was a recipe given to me by my friend, Gregg Greg is also known as "The Greggulator"

And if you FUCK with his recipe, He will show up to your house and he will scream at you at the top of his lungs, so you've been warned Gregg says dice an onion, we're gonna dice an onion

BOOM! Wash and drain a can of black beans *Whipash* *Sexual moan* If you take some black beans, and put them on your cutting board, And you hum a frequency and touch the cutting board, The vibration will transfer to the board and show you the pattern of the sound wave, like this: *Slightly high pitched humming* *Higher pitched humming* Shakey's REALLY interested in what's going on here

Hey buddy! *Low pitched humming* *Slightly not as low pitched humming* Now Gregg says to sauté the onion (Headphones warning: He keeps on rubbing on the microphone for a while

) If I can quote his text message, he said, So, let's cook the ever living fuck out of this oven Oven?! Onion! Speaking of the F word, I've got a uh- voice message from my dad the other day that I would like to play for you Jesus Dad, why don't you stop busting my fucking balls on the internet? Let's remember Dad, you're the person who once said, But you know what? I'm gonna take your advice and uh, I'm just going to uh incorporate uh swear words from your era, I think it's like, probably the '20s? If you ask me, this is a bunch of flapdoodle! Bejabbers! These onions look like they're coming along nicely! Let's throw the beans in That sizzle tells you it's cooking

Agh, now I've gone ahead and friggin' burned this! I've had enough of this taradiddle! Add a teaspoon (each) of cumin Garlic, don't waste your time chopping, buy this shit Brown sugar, And some pepper pepper pepper, And some salt Sounds good! Here's some hot sauce, Golly gee, I'm not sure if that constitutes soupy, So Gregg says, Gregg didn't specify the cube size, so I went with uh, some uh Two millimeter cheese cubes, And uh some five millimeter cheese cubes as well

And I threw in some uh seventeen millimeter cheese cubes, and uh Then I also uhh threw in some uhh

thirty-eight millimeter cheese cubes So, hopefully we covered the bases here Ugh, clearly I made these cubes too big, it's a bunch of codswallop! Hmm! Cumin makes everything so awesome! So there's one final instruction,

in the oven for a bit, with some cheese on top But you know what? To be honest, it is complete like this You don't need to

Be all fancy and shove this in an oven, and pretend you're Martha Stewart, you can- Hello? *Ominous music plays* Gregg: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! YSAC: Gregg, calm down Gregg: DON'T FUCK WITH MY RECIPE!!! YSAC: It's already full of flavor-! YSAC: It's already full of flavor-! Gregg: DO NOT FUCK

WITH MY BEAN DIP!!!!! YSAC: Let go of my camera! Gregg: DO NOT FUCK WITH MY- YSAC: ♫ Bean dip, it's not mean dip ♫ ♫ Unless I punch it in the face with it, then I'd call it mean dip

♫ ♫ Throw it on the floor, you can't call it clean dip ♫ ♫ Put some bleach in it, you got pristine dip ♫ ♫ Bean dip, it's not green dip ♫ ♫ Tilt the bowl to the left a bit, and you can call it lean dip ♫ ♫ Don't tip it too much, or you'll get it on your jeans dip

♫ ♫ Make it disappear, you got the prestige dip ♫ ♫ Hike up a mountain with it, then you got serene dip ♫ ♫ Let it live its life, don't intervene dip ♫ ♫ Put it on an airplane, take it on a bean trip ♫ ♫ Throw in some sweet chromosomes, you got good genes dip

♫ ♫ Bean dip, it's not sardine dip ♫ ♫ Mix it with some java and you got caffeine dip ♫ ♫ Winter's coming, so don't let it freeze dip ♫ ♫ Give it to my dad, call it the bees' knees dip ♫ ♫ Takes away your pain just like codeine dip

♫ ♫ I'm worried, don't you get addicted to that bean dip ♫ ♫ Don't a strung out bean dip junkie, ♫ ♫ Who just needs to borrow money 'cause they just can't get enough of that ♫ ♫ Bean dip, let's run away together forever

♫ ♫ No one will understand, so take my haaaaaaaand ♫ ♫ Now I've got, bean dip all over my hand ♫ ♫ Maybe this wasn't the best idea that I've ever haaaaaad

Oh ♫ ♫ Bean dip, you're the queen dip ♫ ♫ I could rub you on my skin, but you're not sunscreen dip

♫ ♫ Keeps you running like gasoline dip ♫ ♫ Eat enough and it will help you with your self-esteem dip ♫ ♫ Bean dip, you got a nice sheen dip ♫ ♫ You live above the water 'cause you're not a submarine dip ♫ ♫ Let's save the whales, yeah we got marine dip

♫ ♫ Your heart will go on just like Celine dip ♫ ♫ Bean dip, you're a sweet dip ♫ ♫ You're bean dip ♫ ♫ Oh, bean dip ♫ ♫ Yeah, bean dip

♫ ♫ Oh, bean dip, yeah aaaaahhhh ♫ ♫ [Whispering] Bean dip ♫

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