Guacamole – You Suck at Cooking (episode One Hundo)

You suck at cooking yeah you totally suck Today we're making

*Multiple Voices* Guacamole We're gonna use avocado and onion tomato lion cilantro salt That's it No hot banana pepper rings

No bull Puckey We're gonna use three of these muddy truckers I'll take the first one and just crack that open Then we'll slice that apart and then hold the nail against your cutting board to pop out the pit another way to open an avocado Is to give it a good roll Then strip off that snake skin then use a standard sized avocado dip it you later which in one fell swoop Which in one slick flick which in one swift motion can effortlessly Dip it you late almost anything and then another way to approach this is to use the power of gravity and then you just want to oh I got one of those GMO avocados that has the cilantro built inside it If you don't like cilantro, you're a frigging human who is born with the genetic variant known as a single nucleotide Polymorphism which makes it taste like soap You're not fussy You're just unlucky now make a pitch kebab and roast it over a piping hot stove element now Let's get that fatty guac flesh into the bowl and we'll take a lime We'll squeeze a couple wedges onto that then use a four-pronged spoon to smash it all up I'll add in a half teaspoon of salt which we'll adjust later now Let's chop that cilantro herbs also known as herbs are often more easily chopped by scrunching them into a ball first But this is messing with my claw grip So I'm gonna do this the old-fashioned way by asking my mom to do it for me, Mom fine Then we'll take some white onion chop it a flap and chop We can also throw that on auto chop This doesn't work Well if your knife isn't haunted I'll throw most of that in but we'll see how much it needs later then we'll take a tomato and we'll deceipt it So the guac doesn't get soupy and chop it somewhat finely because I don't like big chunks But you can put the tomato in a bowl for all I care now along with the lime You've got two hits of acid, which will make this taste more expansive Now these things will put hair on your chest Especially if you dip them in glue, then dip them in hair then wipe them on your chest You can go with just a dash if you want But if you want more the spoon is your friend here to de-seed it then chop it to your preferred level of microscopic heat burst some people like to use the jalapeno egg nest But not me eggs are for chickens or come from them or whatever then we'll take exactly 1 cup of raisins And pour that into your roommates pillowcase now we'll just weighing jangle that together until it's been thoroughly Wang janked if you want to speed things up a bit grab a set of Wang chucks you can do this at twice the speed in half the time with twice as much awkwardness and half the space Now we'll just taste and adjust I'm gonna throw in another quarter teaspoon of salt here bringing it up to three-quarters of a teaspoon Total and I'm not even detecting the presence of onions

So that's gonna go in now We'll just taste it again and If you bring this to a party and people try it I swear to god they'll take one bite and say that could use more lime or I would have used lemon or this isn't actually Authentic I'd like bigger child I would have made it a little less green Did you forget to put your dough in a bowl? My secret ingredient is publicist from pasta at my aunt Kathy Where's the hot really? Makes a guac that will blow these really needs raisins My god

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