Mashed Potatopology – You Suck at Cooking (episode 30)

It's cold outside Which makes it a good day to atone for your sins If you've ever done something that warrants an apology, you might find it physically difficult to get the words to come out of your mouth The best solution to this conundrum is to make mashed potatoes The region of the brain that determines your feelings about mashed potatoes is the same region of the brain that determines your ability to accept an apology

Show me someone who doesn't like mashed potatoes, and I'll show you someone who has no ability to forgive Start by making sure your potatoes are at room temperature Potatoes higher than room temperature are angry potatoes, and angry potatoes only taste good to wrestlers and librarians, so tread with caution If you don't have a thermometer, Simply hold your potato against a piece of paper If the paper bursts into flames, carefully select another potato [Stomping potato on paper] Peel your potatoes, cut them into cubes, and put them into a pot to boil

Use approximately nine large potatoes, per serving In a pinch you can also use po-tah-toes While the potatoes are boiling, determine the severity of the offense, and therefore the magnitude of the apology required With a Category One offense; say you forgot to return a borrowed book for three weeks, You only owe the most basic mashed potatoes possible Put some milk in a saucepan, and add some butter If your knife isn't sharp enough to cut through butter, continue applying force and never give up

Heat the milk and butter together [Pouring potatoes] When the potatoes are soft like this, add in the hot milk and butter, and mash them together If you're not entirely sure if the reason you haven't returned the book is actually your fault, leave the potatoes extra lumpy A Category Four offense; say you showed up half an hour late when you were supposed to meet somebody, requires something a little more substantial, like garlic mashed potatoes Make sure the potatoes are completely smooth

In addition to the milk and butter, add in some pepper pepper pepper, salt, and a spoonful of minced garlic In the case that someone has committed a Category Four offense against you, add in three additional spoonfuls of garlic, and leave it on the doorstep anonymously [Knocking] [Dramatic buildup] The word potatoes is an anagram for teapots To create a potato teapot, cut off the bottom to create a firm base Hollow out the potato, and carve a spout

Put in one tea bag and fill with boiling water Pour the tea into a cup, and enjoy the nutritious combination of tea infused with Vitamin C, B, and potato The word apology is an anagram for gloopy, which is a word one might use to describe mashed potatoes Where does the symbiosis end? Nobody knows [Dramatic sting] A Category Eight offense; say you borrowed someone's car and got into a fender bender, requires something much more substantial: curry mashed potatoes

Make the mashed potatoes as previously described Stir in some yellow curry powder, then garnish with parsley These potatoes will get you out of almost any mess, unless that mess is a category 9 offense; Say you accidentally sold your friend's dog without permission At this point you're going to have to make a burritopology, a mashed potatoritopology, or even a mojitopology If you need to make a mashed potatopology to someone who is far away, Take the appropriate mashed potatoes, put them in a bag, then double-bag them with a hand warmer between the layers

This will keep the mashed potatoes hot on their journey of redemption Before shipping, carefully place them in a padded box, to keep them from shattering if you're shipping internationally, write a description of the contents to ensure speedy delivery across the border When making a mashed potatopology face-to-face, Invite the person over under the pretense of needing help to fix your sink, then prepare yourself for an honest and open discussion Person: What did you do? YSAC: Nothing

♪ You suck at cooking oh my God ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You suck at cooking oh my God ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You suck at cooking oh my God ♪ ♪ You ♪ ♪ You suck so much ♪

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