Sun Dried Tomato Scramble – You Suck at Cooking (episode 31)

Previously, on You Suck at Cooking Hey, Douglas Hey, John

They say it hurts less if you hold your breath John! *sharp intake of breath* It wasn't a homicide! It wasn't John and Douglas in that water, I know it! They murdered two innocent eggs and made an escape *glass smashes and dog barks* I believe you've been looking for me

Didn't catch your name? John *tense heartbeat thumping* Oh my god *rapping* Hey, step back! Don't give me flak! – Sick *rapping* Come at me hard and get spatula whacked! – Tight! Then on your back with my verbal attack cuz I don't give a crack! Ohh, so sick! Thanks, bro K, my turn! *rapping* Hey what's that, it's my really strong mack

Hey hold up, hold up What's that? Hey, f***stick! Why dontcha take a hike? Ha ha ha, sick Hey Jacko! Why don't you take a, a walk down in, uh, err

go away! *urinating* Dude's takin' a piss, man! *continued urinating* *zipping up* *car noises driving away* Hey, jackstick! Shut up, Chad

*chorus sings the title* So today we're gonna make a scramble and we're gonna start with one of my top 56 favourite ingredients, the green onion So what you wanna do is make sure your knife is really sharpdon't do that And Just give it a little tap

Now one of my top 87 favourite ingredients is the sun dried tomato Because of a tomato's water content, you need something that's 26 million degrees hot in order to dry it out properly Which is why they use the sun Lamp dried tomatoes are disgusting, they take forever to dry out, and Moon dried tomatoes are a total ripoff, because moonlight doesn't contain moon DNA, so there's actually no way to prove they're authentic *episode 12 outro on the radio* – Brussels sprout at night When you're in the cuhh

nut Are you going to meet with your friends – (muffled) Help! – Or just to see where the world ends – (muffled) Somebody! I want out, let me out!!! – Don't even dress when

mumble – (muffled) I can barely breathe in here! – you ain't got no doubt – (muffled) I've been kidnapped! Help! Help, let me out of here! Open up this trunk! Open this up right now! Keep it down Where are we going? You don't need to know You'll never get away with this Quick impression, who am I? (mockingly) "You'll never get away with this!" You have no idea who you're dealing with– So, stove is on 6 degrees, which is less hot than the sun

Then what I like to do is put in a little bit of the sun dried tomato oil then add in the tomatoes and the green onion Now you just cook these for a couple of minutes

John? Hi Douglas! How was your trip to town? It was interesting Did you get the supplies? Man, it's gonna take forever to make this place liveable Actually I ran into a bit of a snag

Boy am I excited to show you something! Well actually there's something really impor- *makes a dismissal noise* Are you gonna listen to me, or what? Well it– it's really imp- *dismissal noise again* Shut your dumb face for a second You wanna know what I've been doing? What? I've been making you this *soft music* I- Is thata trampoline? Of course it's a trampoline, dummy! I mean You always loved gymnastics (I always loved gymnastics

) It's just a little gift to celebrate us being home free for life Well are you gonna take a bounce or what? Uhh, yeah I- I just need to grab my trampoline bootsfrom the car

Well don't just stand there, I don't got all day Haha, I mean I'll be right back

We're ready to throw the eggs in I'm just gonna pour those evenly Get an even distribution going Gonna add in some salt, some pepper pepper pepper The worst thing you can do to eggs is overcook them This is cooking pretty quick Once that first layer goes, I try to keep it moving Once they're cooked about halfway, I turn the stove off

Becausethe difference in timing between cooked perfectly and overcooked is about one billionth of a second, and so your reflexes have to be really sharp You have to be able to take the pan off the stove like: that quick I'm just gonna put it back You want 'em like, just barely cooked

What are you doing, John? I need some time to figure stuff out You're gonna to have to kill me, John What makes you think that? Because if you don't I will hunt you down for the rest of your goddamn life until you're dead Oh Well in that case Just kidding! You get stressed, you say shit, you try to act tough, you take it back, you let me go, we call it even? *door slams* *growling* *cough cough* *continued growling* Now when you go from the pan to the plate, you wanna make sure to flip, so that the hot side is up And what's great about getting the Parmegius-Reggonionius on here is that you get the chicken family working together with the cow familyfor once in their lives And it's just nice to see them getting along this way instead of fighting all the time Honest to god, go make this right now

It's incredible *beeping* Ahh, there you are! Hang on, Dennis I'm coming (chorus) Youuuuu suuuuck aaaaat coooking oh my goooood (chorus) youuuuu suuuuuuuuck

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